150 million minus 1

I'm not a writer. I don't speak eloquently and sometimes ramble. I can be witty, don't have a filter and sometimes say cuss words. I yell at my kids and I take naps instead of cleaning my house. I wish I was a better wife and a better friend. I'm really pretty average.

But.

I love Jesus.

And grace covers all the places I don't measure up. Grace does that for you too, you know, covers all the places you don't measure up. And the best news of all? Grace never runs out. Which is convenient for me because I have just entered a season in which I need a lot of grace.

Several months ago in the midst of the crazy of building a house, raising the littles and just living life God put adoption on my heart. It wasn't some super spiritual moment, I'm pretty sure I was watching Grey's Anatomy reruns, but it was the beginning of a stirring in my heart that I just couldn't shake. I wish could say I just immediately said yes and God and I went skipping into the rolling hills together, but it is so not a beautiful picture of obedience. I wrestled with it for a while and made sure to tell God all the reasons He had the wrong girl, the wrong momma, the absolute wrong family. We are senders. We will write checks, pray for the babies you want to adopt and love you in the trenches, but this isn't for our family.

And then He started to break my heart for what breaks His and, y'all, it's awful. I can't unknow or unsee all the things. I have cried many tears and struggled to find God in the really crappy things happening to BABIES no older than my girls. Let's not even talk about the BABIES being trafficked for sex and those that have NO ONE to advocate for them or the ones who die simply because they don't have any food. It's just almost too much. Actually, it is too much.

But God.

God is sovereign and even when I question the wisdom in His plan He's got it all under control. He sees eternity when I only see the right now. I know I can't change the world, but I can and am called to do something. And right now that something is to advocate for one. One of the roughly 150 million orphans and vulnerable children globally. One orphan who will someday call me momma. My son.

I don't have all the answers. I don't have any really. I have no idea what this journey will look like for us, but Jennie Allen's words ring in my head constantly "If we will just jump, His will is going to catch us. Let Him be God, move ahead with what you know, and quit over analyzing what you don't." God has and continues to use her words to WRECK me and keep me from backing out because of all the unknowns {thanks for that Jennie}.

So this is us jumping and trusting in our BIG God to guide us in his will as we embark on our greatest adventure to bring our sweet brown skinned babe to his forever home. I've just accepted the fact that I'm the wrong girl and I will never be enough, but God is. This story, my story, is really just a beautiful picture of God's grace and His ability to use me, someone so ordinary, to further His kingdom. A story I'm humbled to be a part of and a story I don't want to miss out on.

I have so many words. So many feelings. I have fallen so deeply in love with my Jesus and I wish I could have coffee with each of the sweet faces reading this to process all this with you individually and maybe some day I can get to that. But for now, if you are reading this, can I ask you to be our village? Because we really need one. We need one to rally around us, pray for us and just walk alongside us in this. The equation financially doesn't add up {more on that and fundraising to come} and we have just barely gotten our feet wet so we'd love to have you on this journey with us.